3-30-25 — Christina Critiques - Stokers Part 3 (and a book)

Friends. I have so many movies and even a book a review to get to that I won’t lollygag but be warned, I have a hot take or two.

SUPERIOR ACHIEVEMENT IN A SCREENPLAY

HERETIC

Written by: Scott Beck and Bryan Woods

Directed by:

Run time: 1 hour, 50 mins.

Rated: R

Streaming: Prime

Synopsis: Two Mormon missionaries try to persuade a man that has, up until that day, avoided any others. Their attempt to save him soon turns into a cat and mouse game where belief or disbelief could get you killed.

Pros: Creeeeepy. Even reading the screenplay, I was unsettled.

Cons: None.

Most memorable moment: Any scene where Sister Paxton pushed back against Mr. Reed and his ideologies.

Thoughts: Reading this screenplay was 100% unnerving - I can’t wait to see how this translates to film. Tension, dialogue, the historical and religious aspects - all stellar.

Rating: 4.5/5

NOSFERATU

Written by: Robert Eggers, Henrik Gallen, Bram Stoker

Directed by: Robert Eggers

Run time: 2 hours, 12 minutes

Rated: R

Streaming: Peacock

Synopsis: Thomas Hutter, after marrying Ellen, accepts an opportunity to sell a house to a mysterious man named Count Orlok. But Ellen and Orlok are known to each other in secret ways.

Pros: William Dafoe, Nicholas Hoult

Cons: None

Most memorable scene: the last feeding.

Thoughts: Interesting use of the gothic and arthouse esthetic. Mixing old-fashioned filmmaking with elements of the modern made this movie feel so much more real.

Rating: 4/5

THE SUBSTANCE

Written and directed by: Coraline Fargeat

Run time: 2 hours, 21 minutes

Rated: R

Streaming: Prime

Synopsis: Elisabeth Sparkle isn’t as dazzling in her 50s as she once was. Just when she believes she has lost everything, a secret at-home procedure could change her fate.

Pros: The detail of direction and character’s personalities just jumped off the page of this screenplay.

Cons: None.

Most memorable moment: the first transition scene.

Thoughts: I was worried that this would be a flop. But I was wrong. Sexism and ageism is front and center but the bigger problem explored in screenplay is how we torture ourselves for our youth and bygone days. I think this is where it excelled the most.

Rating: 5/5

LONGLEGS

Written and directed by: Osgood Perkins

Run time: 1 hour, 41 minutes

Rated: R

Streaming: Hulu

Synopsis: Agent Harker is put on the Longlegs case but her uncanny ability to know events before they happen and to decipher the seemingly indecipherable, has those close to the case wondering what is really going on. Is she in on it?

Pros: it’s a movie.

Cons: Everything.

Most memorable moment: The credits.

Thoughts: My criticism is harsh, but I couldn’t even finish the film, I switched to the screenplay so I could read it and get it over with. It was a huge miss for me, but I can definitely see why it would appeal to a wider audience.

Rating: 2.5/5

I SAW THE TV GLOW

Written and directed by: Jane Schoenburn

Run time: 1 hour, 40 minutes

Rated: PG-13

Free: Hoopla       Streaming: Max

Synopsis: A teenager is introduced to a chaotic and visceral late night TV show. Both teenagers are outcasts who feel different in, to them, odd ways.

Pros: Cinematography (I watched this one instead of reading the screenplay).

Cons: So much of it just didn’t work for me.

Most memorable moment: The original ice cream scene.

Thoughts: I loved the cinematography, it needs to be mentioned twice, and the constant feeling of confusion. Whether the audience sees it as an allegory for transgenderism, body dysmorphia, or mental illness, it will relate to someone on an emotional level. But for me, it just didn’t work at all.

Rating: 2/5

BOOK REVIEW

AFTER DARK IN CRAZY TOWN

By: Nathan Ludwig and Chad Farmer

Release: 4/4/25

Page count: 206

Synopsis: Five stories of twelve-year-old humor and it is utter perfection every time.

First line: “Dean Kreps sleeps soundly in his bed without a care in the whole wide world.”

Favorite line: “With a mild case of ADD, according to his dentist, a thought crossed his mind.”

Thoughts: If someone doesn’t call me “babesauce” until my last breath, I will riot. Every single story is filled with cackle-causing shenanigans. From screenplay format, to narration, back to normal storytelling, Chad and Nathan have another hit on their hands.

Rating: 5.5/5

Other recommendations: LOVE POTION #666, DEVIL WON’T LET ME BE